Soooooo I didn’t really want to write this because, well, duh. But I’m going to anyway.

Hemorrhoids are basically swollen veins that can protrude outside of your anus. They are not sexy. They are not comfortable. They suck.

They’re also extremely common during pregnancy. I believe this is because people seem to get more sensitive to what they’re eating during pregnancy. (Not surprising considering your body is going through so many changes and you’re protecting the little one inside you. If you look at my post on morning nausea, I write that I could control it by eating very low carb and not cheating ever.) So pregnancy makes you more sensitive. Anyway, as people know, during the pregnancy I stopped being able to tolerate the carbs I had been eating (I had been eating apples, sweet potatoes, cauliflower, broccoli, greens, etc.). I’m currently on an all meat diet because I lost that carb tolerance during the pregnancy.

So I believe hemorrhoids are common during pregnancy for two reasons:

  1. Foods start to irritate you more and cause intestinal inflammation – this is what I’m leaning towards because it’s hard to believe that we’ve evolved to just get hemorrhoids when you’re pregnant. AND not everyone get’s them.
  2. Your circulation gets weird, there’s a whole bunch of baby weight inside you pushing on things, random things swell, etc.

We’ll find out when I have the next baby (whenever that will be) if this happens again on an all meat diet. (Please God no). Because I am prone to them. So I ended up with two hemorrhoids that wouldn’t go away after the pregnancy. They got better on an all meat diet but I wanted them goneeee. So about a month ago I got them lasered away. Not pleasant.

I can’t take any painkillers. I will end up beyond miserable and with an autoimmune disorder for a month. So I couldn’t take any painkillers after the surgery. That SUCKED. I will let you know how I dealt with that. It turns out though that I can tolerate preservative-free lidocaine injections without having a flare-up. So for anyone out there who’s super sensitive, it looks like I can tolerate injected preservative free things! More evidence this is a gut issue. I will write another post on what things I mean. But in this case, it was lidocaine. So that’s good!

So I got home and for some reason, I thought this would be a no biggy two-day downtime thing. It was not. At all. Especially without painkillers. I was literally in bed for two weeks. I couldn’t sit down. UGH. I was horizontal for almost 11 days. And that was with using my mom’s laser which helped a lot with pain and swelling and healing. I am fairly pain tolerant but oooouch. I got home that day and the pain was bad enough I was nauseous. But I wasn’t depressed so it was still better than that. I was laying in bed, nauseous and in pain with ice on my ass thinking “how did people do this before painkillers!?” And I realized that some used alcohol. So I had three glorious drinks of bourbon and it reduced the pain dramatically. So yep. I’m basically back in the 1400’s. Getting drunk isn’t an ideal solution to pain though, especially if it’s post surgical pain sooooo I’m going to have to figure that one out. I’m concerned too because I need to fix my ankle and that is actually going to require pain medication. So… Intramuscular morphine maybe? Will they even give that to me? -_-

ANYWAY – if you have hemorrhoids, especially if it’s not related to pregnancy, you’re irritating your gut somehow. Your gut is irritated. Obviously. It’s visibly swollen… Other animals don’t get them, it’s not normal, so check what you’re eating, fool around with diet and see what helps. For me, it was an all beef diet. Plus salt. And sparkling water. And bourbon 🙂

53 thoughts on “Hemorrhoids

  1. Shawn Gibson says:

    Fascinating, thanks Mikhaila. I’ve been following your diet thoughts for a bit now because my mental and physical health are calling for a change in diet. I’ve been loading the freezer up with beef and veggies.

    I was off work for a month because of a massive hemorrhoid I had surgically removed. My doctor said the cause was “Philosophy Student”.

    I spent so much time on the toilet that apparently I caused it to become massively inflamed. Go figure.

    Shawn Gibson

  2. Mom says:

    I got a tiny hemorrhoid when I was expecting 32 years ago, but a month into all beef and I am absolutely miserable. I now have two huge extremely inflamed hemorrhoids from the chronic constipation. I am floating in water keeping hydrated, exercising, taking magnesium and that doesn’t help. I am experiencing extreme fatigue now. I didn’t experience this on Paleo, Keto, Atkins, Pescatarian, Vegan. I think all meat may not work for everyone.

  3. RNRN says:

    Strange but I love beets and if I eat them, I get hems! Brutal…They came back as one of my food sensitivities years ago and it is amazing how different foods affect ones well being/health! Also, thanks for mentioning soap and the correlation with heal cuts. Mine have been brutal for years – deep fissures start up so quickly. With switching soap (olive oil soap), they are much better now! I had no idea there could be a connection! keep up the great work!

  4. Wendy says:

    Could you use CBD with some THC for pain? Have you had your stool culture taken you must be missing some much need gut bacteria?

  5. B says:

    Yes girl, yes. Took 6 Kids before I got them and I’m desperate to have them removed but I can’t be flattened for 2 weeks. I do remember getting a toothache during one pregnancy and my dentist told me to swish whiskey in my mouth before bed and it worked! Good luck on finding a solution to the ankle problem.

  6. Beverlie C Gensler says:

    Hi Mikhaila, I was vegetarian for 31 years and had hemorrhoids for all that time…no kids until after I quit being vegetarian (had my kids and 38 and 40). My food sensitivity issues centred around having severe eczema from birth. The hemorrhoids were just a secondary pain in the ass compared to the eczema. Weirdly enough, my flareups happened from the same foods you write about…and soy sauce was the absolute WORST!–especially if it touched my skin. However, after the birth of my second daughter, my sister, who is a librarian and read everything that came into the library for cataloguing, told me to try MSM (methysulfonylmethane). I read the reports written by the doctors who were promoting it for treating autoimmune disorders, and sure enough, after about a month of taking 1000mg daily…POOF! My eczema started to fade into the horizon and so did my hemorrhoids. Forty years for pure hell… gone, done, over. It was a fricken’ miracle as far as I was concerned. If I missed a day of MSM, I’d get a little flareup, so I took it daily for about eight years and stopped once I noticed no flareups from cessation. Now I’m pushing 60 and have resumed taking MSM as I miss the boost to my energy level that it gave me. (Also aids in the production of collagen.) MSM allowed me to eat just about anything with no flareups. I really encourage you to give it a try. There are no side effects. (Sorry to hear about your ankle.)

  7. Hey Mikhaila,

    I saw Jordan in Edmonton last night. He told me to reach out to you. We had a short talk during the VIP Photo/Meet session, and I told him how I had healed my autoimmune condition. First by using the carnivore diet for 5 months. But then healing my digestive tract with UVB Phototherapy, and being able to eat anything I want(I mentioned having some amazing apple fritters that afternoon).

    I’ve completely healed not only my autoimmune disease(chronic fatigue, digestive issues, & guttate psoriasis), but I’ve completely reset my immune system and no longer need/use the carnivore diet.

    I’ve been doing UVB PhotoTherapy for the last 2.5 months. This healed my guttate psoriasis, which was something that 3-4 months of the carnivore diet was unable to do. But to my surprise, when I would do my monthly cheat meal, nothing happened. Usually I’d have some sugar and feel terrible. But this time, nothing happened. So I moved up to corn pops. Nothing happened. I moved up to Fruit Loops. Nothing happened. So for the last 3 weeks, I’ve been able to eat anything I want, and I still feel as great as I did on the carnivore diet! 🙂 It is so incredible to eat normal people food again, and still feel and look great!

    I think autoimmune disease is actually a vitamin D deficiency. My understanding, is that Vitamin D’s primary purpose is to attach to malignant cells and push them into apoptosis. But if you don’t have enough vitamin D(common in Canada), these malignant immune cells begin to build up and create serious issues.

    And by taking 2 months of doing high dose UVB Phototherapy, I think I gave my body a massive dose of Vitamin D, and reset all the malignant cells.

    I also think that UVB Phototherapy works far better than oral supplements or sun exposure. Especially if you have an impaired digestive tract, I think it is extremely hard to absorb the vitamin D. Vitamin D is also fat soluble, so it needs fat for absorption and storage. This means making it on your skin is the perfect place, because we have a layer of fat all over our skin that can be used for the production and storage of vitamin D. And for the Sun, the main problem is you can’t get a therapeutic dose. I find that 8 hours of sun exposure is about the equivalent of 2-4 minutes of UVB phototherapy.

    And at my peak treatments, I was doing 40 minutes in a day of UVB phototherapy. So there’s just no way to get a medically relevant dose from the sun. I wanted to share what has worked for me, so you and Jordan could experience the same benefits. I’m happy to talk more in detail about my experience with UVB, so please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.


    • Becki Ewy says:

      I’m a nurse. I’ve given IM Demerol before. Never morphine. They would never allow you to do it yourself, though. Not in US at least.

      • Damn!! What am I going to do! I’ll update the blog when I talk to a doctor but I’m really concerned about this. Maybe a nerve block or something? Ugh.

        • Mikhaila, my husband does nerve blocks for patients after operations. I know he does femoral nerve blocks quite often, but I suppose for an ankle they could do it lower down. (Popliteal sciatic nerve block) As far as I know, the block can stay in and be topped up in for 3 days, which would help a lot. You would have to stay in the hospital for that, though. I am not in the medical field, so I don’t know whether the agents they use are preservative free.

    • thp9 says:

      Very interesting testimonial. I also have chronic fatigue and low vitamin D levels, I am very interested in this but I don’t think doctor’s would prescribe me that therapy because I don’t have any skin issues. I’ve just found that UVB lamps are sold on internet but they are quiet tiny relative to a cabin sized uvb therapy that covers the whole body. Have you done these UVB treatments inside a cabin ? or you used a small lamp and move around the body ? Do you think I can achieve what you have achieved with these lamps ?

  8. Herb Cochley says:

    I have found that whole psyllium husks are essential for me. Two handfuls in a half liter of water, chake, and follow with another half liter in an hour or so. It cures diarrhea and constipation both.

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