Soooooo I didn’t really want to write this because, well, duh. But I’m going to anyway.

Hemorrhoids are basically swollen veins that can protrude outside of your anus. They are not sexy. They are not comfortable. They suck.

They’re also extremely common during pregnancy. I believe this is because people seem to get more sensitive to what they’re eating during pregnancy. (Not surprising considering your body is going through so many changes and you’re protecting the little one inside you. If you look at my post on morning nausea, I write that I could control it by eating very low carb and not cheating ever.) So pregnancy makes you more sensitive. Anyway, as people know, during the pregnancy I stopped being able to tolerate the carbs I had been eating (I had been eating apples, sweet potatoes, cauliflower, broccoli, greens, etc.). I’m currently on an all meat diet because I lost that carb tolerance during the pregnancy.

So I believe hemorrhoids are common during pregnancy for two reasons:

  1. Foods start to irritate you more and cause intestinal inflammation – this is what I’m leaning towards because it’s hard to believe that we’ve evolved to just get hemorrhoids when you’re pregnant. AND not everyone get’s them.
  2. Your circulation gets weird, there’s a whole bunch of baby weight inside you pushing on things, random things swell, etc.

We’ll find out when I have the next baby (whenever that will be) if this happens again on an all meat diet. (Please God no). Because I am prone to them. So I ended up with two hemorrhoids that wouldn’t go away after the pregnancy. They got better on an all meat diet but I wanted them goneeee. So about a month ago I got them lasered away. Not pleasant.

I can’t take any painkillers. I will end up beyond miserable and with an autoimmune disorder for a month. So I couldn’t take any painkillers after the surgery. That SUCKED. I will let you know how I dealt with that. It turns out though that I can tolerate preservative-free lidocaine injections without having a flare-up. So for anyone out there who’s super sensitive, it looks like I can tolerate injected preservative free things! More evidence this is a gut issue. I will write another post on what things I mean. But in this case, it was lidocaine. So that’s good!

So I got home and for some reason, I thought this would be a no biggy two-day downtime thing. It was not. At all. Especially without painkillers. I was literally in bed for two weeks. I couldn’t sit down. UGH. I was horizontal for almost 11 days. And that was with using my mom’s laser which helped a lot with pain and swelling and healing. I am fairly pain tolerant but oooouch. I got home that day and the pain was bad enough I was nauseous. But I wasn’t depressed so it was still better than that. I was laying in bed, nauseous and in pain with ice on my ass thinking “how did people do this before painkillers!?” And I realized that some used alcohol. So I had three glorious drinks of bourbon and it reduced the pain dramatically. So yep. I’m basically back in the 1400’s. Getting drunk isn’t an ideal solution to pain though, especially if it’s post surgical pain sooooo I’m going to have to figure that one out. I’m concerned too because I need to fix my ankle and that is actually going to require pain medication. So… Intramuscular morphine maybe? Will they even give that to me? -_-

ANYWAY – if you have hemorrhoids, especially if it’s not related to pregnancy, you’re irritating your gut somehow. Your gut is irritated. Obviously. It’s visibly swollen… Other animals don’t get them, it’s not normal, so check what you’re eating, fool around with diet and see what helps. For me, it was an all beef diet. Plus salt. And sparkling water. And bourbon 🙂

53 thoughts on “Hemorrhoids

  1. Michael says:

    Hi Mikhaila,
    Several years ago when doing daily water and coffee enemas I ended up blowing out a good sized haemorrhoid. After a month or so with no improvement I began looking on-line for non-surgical options. I came across the device Peristal and ordered it. Within one week of use my haemorrhoid completely resolved. You can buy one (the biggest diameter one) or a set of four (the next three getting smaller and smaller). If you go for the set of four, even after healing the immediate problem, you keep progressing through the other three. This will really strengthen up the whole anatomical and functional zone thereby minimizing the likelihood of a recurrence.

    The following link is the one I came across first.

  2. Isabelle Andersson says:

    Can I ask what kind of autoimmune reaction you get from painkillers? I was put on acid suppressants for reflux that gave me awful dry mouth and eyes (Sjogren’s symptoms) for literally half a year. It’s still not completely gone. Doctors think I’m nuts for insisting it was the meds. Curious to hear about others’ autoimmune reactions to meds.

  3. Daniel Yarhi says:


    ImIa big fan of your dad, and now am following you too. Great blog, btw.

    But I wanted to leave you with some thought material. The body does take a while to heal sometimes; like my knee tendon, I pulled it a four or so years back. Though I am much better, it is still tender.
    Give your body ample chance to heal…

    Be well.


  4. Tzivi G says:

    I learned an American Indian remedy for hemorrhoids from my midwife: Carve a chunk of potato into the shape of a suppository and insert that overnight. After a night or two it should be gone!

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